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Look. Santa’s been around for a while. A spring chicken he isn’t. Plus — as us collaborators know only too well — he has bad habits. It’s not the drugs or the drink. It’s the snacks. You know the way we use the word ‘treats’ to excuse scoffing salted caramel anything? Covers a multitude, that word ‘treats’, with its implication of rarity and its paired implication of somehow having been earned by earlier privation or meritorious effort. The world may not owe you a living, or fame, or fortune, but we still feel entitled to treats and extrapolate from that to the conviction that we must all reward/bribe Santa by setting out a saucer of cookies and a glass of milk. It’s a reprehensible form of cause and effect. Parents spend the year conscientiously refusing ever to link food with their children’s occasional good behaviour. Back in the day, this wasn’t a problem because, once you had the bonding thing nailed, parenting was down to training your kids like dogs: “Homework done? Who’s a good boy, then?” Then enlightenment struck and the instructions to well-behaved offspring to sit and gratefully snaffle a KitKat morphed into as shameful exemplar of your parental inadequacies so vile that you knew, if you stood for election, even a crime gang leader would do better than you. Santa, of course, bypasses all this child development woke stuff. He still operates the canine training model: “Been a good girl? Here’s a whole stocking full of reward for you (insert ear-scratch here)!” Understandably, the dog-training model works both ways. You use it to ensure reasonable pre-teen behaviour in your offspring, then accept that the quid pro quo is that the overweight guy in the red suit gets a few cookies left out for him. We don’t even do the political reproach where Santa is concerned. No parent ever complains: “We never see you except when you want free cookies, and I bet you haven’t declared the carrots for Rudolf to Sipo either.” Santa: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell It’s arguable that the success, over these many generations, of the Santa Claus model of social conditioning is behind the benign Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell approach to Saint Nick himself regnant in the western world. Presenters on radio programmes get more warnings from their producers about not breaching the unspoken rules than if the next guest was the Israeli ambassador. Signs on it, when some bunch of medics this year raised reservations about Santa as a health model, the story died on the vine. Leave the old charmer alone, was the unspoken message, a bit like the consensus around Michael D. Nor will the dire example of the Anglican priest Paul Chamberlain be readily forgotten. This eminent cleric shared his truth with a congregation of 10-year-olds. Let’s not even delineate the shape of his ecclesiastical truth. All anybody needs to know is that it broke the Yuletide Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell rule, and peace on earth plus goodwill to all ceased, right there. His public defrocking, defenestration, and forced pyre-toasting was averted only by him seeing the light and outing himself as a complete eejit. In the litany of public sinning covered by the grandees of many religions, what he’d done might be regarded as down the scale a bit, but it represented a profound failure to read the room. The reverend priest would’ve been a lot better off finding a saucer, a couple of cookies, and a space beside the hearth for their display. The 'Late Late' connection Santa may be all ho ho ho and product placement but, when it comes right down to it, you know you shouldn’t cross him. It’s a bit like Pat Kenny quoting Gay Byrne to the effect that “one for everybody in the audience” was a dreadfully counterproductive move, the negative consequences of which meant that, on any given show, you might have a stunning lineup of guests and topics, but if the Late Late Show audience freebie that particular week wasn’t up to much, it tainted the in-studio appreciation and subsequent recollection of the entire show, turning the presenter into a freebie-shill and the audience into discount Olivers, always asking for more. Perhaps — because those of us who love the programme — perhaps in the distant future, someone as wise as Gay will condemn the Toy Show and its relentlessly greedy brand extension to a full-day festival rather than the 90-minute celebration of the commercially mawkish and precocious that it really is. Of course, the very minute you say anything against the Toy Show, you’re in trouble. I blame my misfortune, this year, on that. Definitely. If I’d never bad-mouthed the Toy Show, I’d be fine. 'Ho ho' turns to 'oh no' Off I flew to spend Christmas in warm climes, and — before exiting the plane in Newark airport — dutifully checked I had phone and wallet. Two hours into a four-hour layover, I realised I’d left my iPad on the flight. “Oh-oh,” I went, in a Santa Claus reversal. Inevitably, the plane had been turned around and was off to Cancún. The customer service guy on the phone said he’d email me a lost property form, which I filled in and filed, before wandering the airport to locate a customer service human in the flesh. This, after an hour and a half, I duly did. Lifted me out of it, she did. Stood there and ate the face off me. I was supposed to check my seat and surroundings for property before I left the plane, she snapped. She effectively refused to help locate my battered little computer with its Sink the Rich sticker because I didn’t obey all the instructions. ‘Customer service’, said her United Airlines label but not her mouth. (The Sink the Rich sticker came for free when I ordered Bernie Sanders’ most recent book.) I got on the second flight facing a future wherein all my colleagues, friends, and relations cast me aside as an incompetent inattentive old fool for losing an iPad that was too good for me in the first place. My inner discourse tends towards the punitive and ageist at the best of times but after my bracing encounter with the customer service woman, it hit rock bottom. I decided to lie or at least not tell on myself. Me? Lose an iPad? Perish the thought. Then my phone started to buzz with messages from colleagues who could see United Airlines’ acknowledgment of my lost property form and they all began doing technological things to find out where it was (Newark Airport, surprise, surprise) and assure me that iCloud would have everything I’d ever put into the iPad stashed safely somewhere. Aoife in the office found the iPad before the lost one and started to reprogramme it as a fallback. This greatly helped the grieving process. Santa, meanwhile, continued the ho ho ho in his promiscuously cheerful way from every hoarding and radio programme.
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Grand View (Iowa) 263, Life (Ga.) 249, Southeastern (Fla.) 210, Embry-Riddle (Ariz.) 200, Cumberlands (Ky.) 176. Others: 12, Providence, 121; T15, Montana State-Northern 77. Trevor Marsman, Cornerstone (Mich.). 22, Kobi Johnson, UP. Thaddeus Long, Life (Ga.). 22, Kina'u McBrayer, UP. Hartwell Taylor, Saint Mary (Kan.). 18, Tristan Bremer, UP. Nathan Lendt, Doane (Neb.) Aden Graves, Providence. 17, Hunter Hobbs, UP. Jonathan Kervin, Indiana Tech. 12, Travis Waldner, MSUN; 13, Bridger Hall, UP. Alex Reynolds, Grand View (Iowa). 13, Devin Crawford, MSUN. : Jesse Perez, Life (Ga.). 5, Rylin Burns, MSUN; 6, Sawyer Hobbs, UP; 24, Liam Swanson, UP. Garavous Kouekabakilaho, Grand View (Iowa). 11, Caleb Werner, UP; 15, Austin Vanek, MSUN. Kenneth Copley, Embry-Riddle (Ariz.). 13, Shane Mattson, MSUN; 15, Ethan DeRoche, UP. Grand View Iowa) 212, Life (Ga.) 212, Providence 161, Cumberlands (Ky.) 157, Indiana Tech 132. Erin Hikiji, Providence. 14, Isabella Bocanegra, UP. Anaya Falcon, Life (Ga.). 2, Paige Morales, UP. Camille Fournier, Texas Wesleyan. 14, Isabelle Asuncion, UP. Cristelle Rodriguez, Doane (Neb.). T8, Alicia Frank, UP. Carolina Moreno, Southern Oregon. 6, Alyssa Randles, UP. Zaynah McBryde, Life (Ga.). 2, Waipuilani Estrella-Beauchamp, UP; 11, Paige Respicio, UP. Jamilah McBryde, Life (Ga.). 5, Esther Han, UP; 7, Kailey Rees, UP. Latifah McBryde, Life (Ga.). 11, KaceyLee Pua, UP. Abby McIntyre, Grand View (Iowa) Kelani Corbett, Missouri Valley Get local news delivered to your inbox!
Charming property on coastal outskirts of Totland Bay up for saleI was fined £1,000 for silly bin day mistake ANYONE could make – Christmas is now ruined for my 5 kidsHeisman Trophy finalist and two-way Colorado star Travis Hunter was named The Associated Press Big 12 defensive player of the year while also being a first-team selection at wide receiver on Thursday. Buffaloes quarterback Shedeur Sanders is the league's top offensive player. Kenny Dillingham, the 34-year-old in his second season at Arizona State, was the unanimous choice as Big 12 coach of the year after leading his alma mater to a championship and a spot in the 12-team College Football Playoff. The Sun Devils (11-2) went into their league debut as the preseason pick to finish last among the 16 teams. At cornerback, Hunter had 31 tackles, tied for the Big 12 lead with 11 pass breakups and was tied for second with four interceptions. On offense, he leads the Big 12 with 92 receptions and 14 receiving touchdowns, and is second with 1,152 yards receiving. His 21 catches of at least 20 yards are the most nationally. He is also the AP's player of the year. Sanders is the Big 12 passing leader, completing 337 of 454 passes (74.2%) for 3,926 yards and a school-record 35 touchdowns with eight interceptions for the Buffaloes (10-2) Arizona State freshman quarterback Sam Leavitt, who is 11-1 as a starter, is the league’s top newcomer. The Michigan State transfer has 2,663 yards passing with 24 touchdowns and only five picks in 304 attempts. LAS VEGAS — Former Florida and Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen has agreed to lead UNLV's 24th-ranked football program, two people with knowledge of the hire said Wednesday. The people spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because no announcement has been made. The 52-year-old Mullen replaces Barry Odom, who left for Purdue on Sunday after going 19-8 and helping the Rebels receive back-to-back bowl invitations for the first time in program history. UNLV will play California in the LA Bowl on Wednesday. UNLV athletic director Erick Harper wasted little time in finding Odom's replacement. Mullen, most recently an ESPN college football analyst, went 103-61 at Florida and Mississippi State. Rich Rodriguez is returning to West Virginia for a second stint as head coach at his alma mater. Athletic director Wren Baker announced the hiring on Thursday, 17 years after Rodriguez made a hasty exit for what became a disastrous three-year experiment at Michigan. “We are thrilled to welcome Coach Rich Rodriguez and his family back home,” Baker said in a statement. “Coach Rodriguez understands what it takes to win at West Virginia, and I believe he will pour his heart, soul and every ounce of his energy into our program. I am convinced Coach Rodriguez wants what is best for West Virginia, WVU and West Virginia football, and I am excited about the future of our program.” Rodriguez, who is the current coach at Jacksonville State, an architect of the spread offense and a polarizing figure in his home state, replaces Neal Brown, who was fired on Dec. 1 after going 37-35 in six seasons, including 6-6 this year. BRIEFLY FCS: The NCAA is taking its Football Championship Subdivision title game back to Tennessee. The FCS championship games at the end of the 2025 and 2026 seasons will be played in Nashville on the Vanderbilt campus. This season’s game will be played Jan. 6 at Toyota Stadium in Frisco, Texas, which will host the game for a record 15th season in a row and was set for at least two more. OC: UCLA announced Tino Sunseri’s hiring as offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach. Sunseri replaces Eric Bieniemy, who was fired on Dec. 5 after fielding one of the nation’s worst offenses this season. Sunseri spent one season as Indiana’s co-offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach after following Hoosiers coach Curt Cignetti from James Madison. Be the first to know Get local news delivered to your inbox!Radio giant bids emotional farewell to 43-year career
Aldi slashes price of Christmas items in store on Christmas Eve - full list